Family Dinner Guide
Gathering for family meals has documented benefits for the mental and physical health of children. Meal planning is out of our scope of practice, but we do have tips and resources to help make family dinners feel more meaningful and connected.
What is the value of a family dinner?
The value lies in the consistent, sanctioned space for thoughtful family connection.
Does it have to be dinner? No, but since dinner is a daily habit that generally takes place outside of school and work hours, it can be a convenient time for an intentional family gathering. The habit of daily family check-ins can buffer kids against adversity and keep parents in the loop about struggles, needs, and mental status. If it can’t be dinner, find another screen-free, focused time to connect with each other daily.
Tips for a Successful Family Dinner
Work together or take turns setting the table, planning the meal, shopping for the groceries, cooking the food, and cleaning up!
Include the whole family in establishing the guidelines because when we collaborate, we are more likely to follow-through!
Here are some things to consider:
If not every night, which nights can we commit to eating together?
How long should we expect to stay at the table? (If your family is new to this or if you have small kids, this might only be 10-15 minutes)
What are our goals? (no screens, show respect for each other, utilize effective communication skills, clear your place when finished, etc.)
How can we show gratitude to the cook(s)? (We love to cheers the chef!)
If we miss a family meal, how can we connect with each other instead?
Enjoy each other’s company! Make meal-time special with small touches like soft music, candles, or flowers; cue conversation and connection with games or prompts; relax and enjoy the relatively brief moment that you are all together!
We highly recommend that family dinner be a screen-free experience. If you are used to eating with a screen, there may be an adjustment period. That’s ok—it will feel better with practice, and you can watch TV after dinner or for special occasions like a family dinner/movie night!
NOTE: If your family is not accustomed to eating together or if there are complicated family dynamics, this might feel uncomfortable or like a chore. Prepare for those feelings in yourself and from your family, but don’t let them defeat your goal of family connection. Be flexible to the needs of your family and once a routine is established, it will get easier and you may even look forward to it!
But what do we talk about?
Conversation Starters:
Highs/Lows: Everyone talks about a high point and a low point of their day.
One Thing: Pick a topic and go around the table (one thing I learned today, one thing that made me laugh today, one thing that made me frustrated today, etc.).
Vent/Advice: Make dinnertime a safe place to vent about difficult circumstances and take advantage of the experience and perspectives in the family unit to seek advice and support.
Check-In: Dinner time is a great time to check-in with kids about their friends, academics, sports, upcoming plans, etc.
Current Events: Check the news and bring interesting or noteworthy stories to the table for respectful discussion and consideration.
Gratitude Practice: Go around the table and identify points of gratitude.
Table Games:
Two Truths and a Lie: Make three statements about yourself (two must be true and one must be a lie) and the family has to guess which one is the lie.
20 Questions: Agree upon a category (person, animal, place, food, etc.) and have one person think of a thing from that category. The rest of the table gets to ask 20 yes-or-no questions to figure out the “thing.”
Trivia: Trivia is a fun and educational way to connect!
Would you rather…?: It’s a simple game that can be used to explore preferences, values, and motivations. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Why? Take turns making up and answering questions.
Alphabet Game: Think of a topic and use alphabetical order to name things related to that topic. For example, if the topic is animals, go around the table as you work through the alphabet: aardvark, bear, cheetah, dog, elephant…
Have you ever…?: Take turns customizing the prompt and let everyone have a chance to answer. Have you ever stolen anything? Have you ever gotten lost? Have you ever sang a solo? This game allows us to learn something new about the people we know the best!
If dinnertime can’t be family time, supplement elsewhere.
Not every family can connect during dinner every day, but daily connection is the goal, so find other ways! A commute to school, at bedtime, during breakfast, or on the way to soccer practice—whatever it is, make it count with quality interactions and connection through conversation.
20 Questions for Family Dinner
Gathering around the table for a meal creates a dedicated time for family members to come together, share their experiences, and strengthen bonds. Question prompts are a great way to get the conversation started! Learn more about Connection Through Conversation and find this resources in our Conversation Starters tab.
Conversation Starters for Teens
There are so many things we don’t know about the people closest to us. Try these open-ended prompts to explore new territory! Learn more about Parent-Teen Communication and find this resources in our Conversation Starters tab.
How to Talk to Teens
Effective communication during adolescence builds mutual trust, understanding, and respect. This kind of communication allows parents to better recognize cues and attend to the needs of their teenager. Learn more about Parent-Teen Communication and find this resources in our Infographics tab.
REFERENCES
Fishel, A., PhD. (2021, May 11). The benefits of family dinner for adults. The Family Dinner Project. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/blog/benefits-family-dinner-adults/
Fulkerson, J. A., Story, M., Mellin, A., Leffert, N., Neumark-Sztainer, D., & French, S. A. (2006). Family Dinner Meal Frequency and Adolescent Development: Relationships with Developmental Assets and High-Risk Behaviors. Journal of Adolescent Health, 39(3), 337–345. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2005.12.026
Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015, February 1). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4325878/#sec21
Why the Family Meal Is Important. (n.d.). Stanford Medicine Children’s Health. https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=why-the-family-meal-is-important-1-701
