How to Talk with Teenagers
Maintaining healthy family communication can buffer kids against adversity and keep parents in the loop about struggles, needs, and mental status.
What are the benefits of quality Parent-Teen communication?
Effective communication during adolescence builds mutual trust, understanding, and respect. This kind of foundation allows adolescents to navigate the challenges of identity formation, peer pressure, and emotional turbulence with the safety net of parental support and guidance. By actively listening and engaging with teens, parents establish strong connections that promote healthy decision-making, emotional well-being, and positive relationships.
My teen won’t talk to me.
A hallmark of adolescence is increased independence and newfound reliance on peers. While this social shift is normal, it can still have a negative impact on parent-child communication.
But don’t get discouraged—communication doesn’t have to look like it did during the elementary school days! Allow the parent-child relationship to evolve and find the value in pared down consistent communication.
If communication feels hard, consider what might make it better.
Communication Style: As kids grow up, the way we communicate with them needs to grow up too. The parent-child dynamic often creates barriers that may unintentionally make the teenager feel unheard, untrusted, and undervalued. Reciprocal conversation and active listening require all participants of a conversation to respectfully contribute, pay attention, and consider perspectives. Parents often inadvertently dominate conversations which can lead to frustration and disengagement from the teen. Keep an open mind, model genuine attentiveness, and try to find common ground!
Content: Many parents report that their kids give one word answers to questions. When this happens, try something new! There are so many things we don’t know about the people closest to us and open-ended prompts can help us explore new territory. Read on for our recommended conversation starters!
Collaboration: The best way to communicate with teens is to collaborate with them. I want us to connect more often, can we set aside 10 minutes each day to catch up? Agree upon a time when you both feel at ease and make it special by eliminating distractions (phones, work, siblings) and incorporating a pleasant routine like taking a walk, brewing a pot of tea, or splitting a snack.
Practice active listening.
Active listening involves being fully present in a conversation. This includes concentration, tracking, empathy, and response. In active listening, the listener seeks to understand the underlying emotions, intentions, and meanings of the conversation. Parents who practice active listening are able to better recognize cues and attend to the needs of their teenager.
For true active listening, eliminate distractions (devices, work, tasks, siblings) and sink into the conversation. With the right mindset, conversation becomes more intuitive and fulfilling.
Don’t know what to talk about?
Try talking points, conversation cards, or games to get things rolling. Scroll down for our favorites!
Try these open-ended questions to engage teenagers in conversation, and be willing to genuinely answer the questions asked of you!
These conversation cards aim to spark connection across generations to explore uncharted territory. Great for family dinners, road trips, gatherings, or quiet afternoons, these cards will inspire thought-provoking conversation to build connection.
Hygge (pronounced “hoo-guh”) is a Danish word for a cozy quality that makes a person feel content and comfortable. This game encourages friends and family to come together to share their stories and discuss the big and small things in life.
Ask a question and challenge your family and friends to guess which hilarious answer you’ve chosen! This is an interactive, light-hearted way to strengthen relationships and improve communication through play.
A free printable version of this information is available in our Infographics Tab!
CLICK HERE to explore our pediatric mental and behavioral health infographics.
REFERENCES
Branje, S. (2018). Development of Parent–Adolescent Relationships: Conflict Interactions as a Mechanism of change. Child Development Perspectives, 12(3), 171–176. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12278
How parents can help support healthy teen relationships. (n.d.). https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/700childrens/2024/02/how-parents-can-help-support-healthy-teen-relationships
Laursen, B. (2004). Parent-child communication during adolescence. ResearchGate. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/256444591_Parent-child_communication_during_adolescence
Tennant, K., Long, A., & Toney-Butler, T. J. (2023, September 13). Active listening. StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/
